Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Chaos, will (eventually) provide Clarity...

behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions. and/or the formless matter supposed to have (??) existed before the creation of the universe.

so... it's been a while again since I "blogged".  And just about when I felt I had all my shit pretty much together and might like to talk about that, maybe... maybe not... LOL
 my shit showed me otherwise... some old fear~based theme's popped right up in to my face once again ...
and THESE things, I mostly don't talk about, not in cyber land anyway.... they come ~ they go, its been easier to let the bumpy stuff diss-appear when I don't give it ATTENTION, or give it my best at not giving it attention... but sometimes, sometimes...
"courage of men",
 does fail me...

and I want to run screaming for the hills
tho there are no hills to run to
really... ever, be cause... well... here I am.
and when I got to the hills, id be there too...

I have these, areas, that ill call the creepy~scaryies.
That feels about right, its creepy stuff that goes on in the big wide world and it scares me, I think when I was this little girl in the image, on the stuffed pony, I adopted THAT stance and have held to it for many years... (now I drink coffee to achieve the stance tho, as the stuffed pony is long gone)

I see things going on in my "neighborhood" my environment, my daily "life" and tho I try to look away, its not always as easy as my abe "teachings" tell me it truly... "is"
I see things get WAY too close to me that still scare the girl on that stuffed pony and still cause her to not have a clue what to "do" with these fears...

Inside, on some level, I know its all a fa├žade, an illusion... and that I am co-creator OF it. That my Inner Being has my back and my front and even the sides, if I let her show me the way... BUT it still feels SCARY and dangerous... and so, so, so very unfair and unfortunate and chaotic that after all these years I still can get so afraid that I loose all sense of perspective and forget who I really am...

then... some moment occurs amidst the stupidity and like a bell going off in an empty sky... I am RE~TURNed... to me. this part of the process is subtle and gentle and guiding and telling and powerful, all at the same time. I am grateful again, and all is well.

so... that's where ive recently been. still feeling a bit crumpled but unraveling none~the~less.

Sunday, June 5, 2016


They came in on long boats
during almost night
slicing the glass water
in the setting sun 
We watched from behind slim trees
that most likely
didn’t hide our bodies well 
We felt them see us
and stood taller to match the straight lines
of the trees
But, our breath came out in
puffs of fog
somewhat un-naturally 
They must have thought us
 slow or insane
as they glided onto the shore 
They were tall, lean and obviously
Perhaps for months
Perhaps for land
Certainly for us.
AnnMarie Parson-McNamara  6/16

Wednesday, June 1, 2016


I haven't been posting on the blog much at all. this morning as I opened FB there was a "memory" from a year ago this day... its a strange thing for me when FB does this. since I'm not big on the "past" and not much into re-peating things, I most often just bypass the FB memory lane... though I suppose, in order to refine what we are wanting... now, reflection can be useful.

so, a year ago today I did a blog entry about how I was allowing myself to have everything be OK just the way it is. and this morning, OF COURSE (O: that IS exactly what I needed to "hear".
messages from my self, does it get any better than that? nope, it does not.

 yesterday was the 1st day of the Honor (where I live) "market", a local craft/farmers/flea market that I have been a supporter of and on/off participant in for about 9 years, since it first started in our little village. this season, i'd like to line up with "doing" the market again & see how that fits with my life at this time.  tho, it was a bit of a shuffle (scheduling with my charliebear and all) it went well and I enjoyed the day.

it feels to me now, as though I'm in a place of finding balance for myself. still learning to "allow" on deeper levels. and sometimes, when I really delve into what that means, I'm astonished at the amount of places I can take the idea of allowing and the depths to which I'd gone in the past, in the opposite direction.

Maybe... all my blog entries are about just this, maybe that's the only thing I really want to say anymore. that might be why i'm not posting much on my "blog". repeat and refine, hone and sculpt. The Dance.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

2016 underway...

I thought I might "dump" the blog... since I'm not very active on it. but, I like to have it here to post in now and then and over the years when I DO dump the blog (O: I always create it again for the same reason. I love keeping up with pals on FB and I enjoy the way I interact there, yet, sometimes it feels good to sort of sum-up a chuck of time, and this is a good place for me to do that.

its been an odd winter, weather-wise and in other ways. On x-mas eve. my oldest dog-child (the last of my original gang) Sophie, made her transition to non-physical. She was pretty much fine up until about 2 weeks before her passing and I was really hopeful that she would rally and recover. She was almost 16 and spent her entire dear life with me as her dog-mom. She was a happy, secure, fun and extremely sweet little girl. I feel deeply proud of her and our life together and that she "left" on her own terms, that's not to say it didn't effect me when she chose to do it...

For the first few days I was as lost as I had been last year when my big boy, Shadow, made his transition but since then I have come to terms with the change and the shift in my inner & outer worlds. Having Charlie-Bear as our only dog-child for now, is fabulous and I am greatly appreciative of his presence in my life! I feel Sophie near me and am happy her life was good and her last year over-all was superb, she had a great time with Charlie which was an unexpected surprise!

I didn't necessarily mean to just write about this event.. but it has been pivotal for me, in many ways. Within hours of Sophia's passing I desired deeply to receive inspiration as to "how" to deal with it... and what I received was a interior download about some software I had looked into a couple years ago...

I appreciate that I pay attention when I ask.

 I shut up and let the answer come. So, within a short period of "time" I was able to translate my inner world more clearly into my art. Which is entirely all I ever desire to be doing, expanding that connection, expressing that connection, enjoying that connection... and that's the place where we are all "together" all the time.

feelin' complete (O:

Thursday, November 12, 2015

just checkin' in ...

yesterday was veterans day... I was an air force photographer for a few years, b4 this picture was taken... there's also a image gig called "throwback Thursday" that I usually don't participate in but since it IS Thursday... (I think) here's a fun throwback of me when I lived in northport, mi. and worked at higher self bookshelf in traverse city, eventually I covered the back of my car completely with bumper stickers and got pulled over by cops.. LOL

           I'm a little surprised I haven't blogged in like 3 months! there have been quite a few topics I covered in my mind, thoroughly, and meant to write about here then... well, u know how it goes!

here's another throwback... to working as a sign painter in Lewistown montana, I wasn't too big on climbing the scaffolding...

the past 3 months and really this whole year (2015) has had a core theme of putting my life into perspective in ways I haven't done in the past. it feels really good to be doing it too, so much so that I guess that's why the momentum is going strong enough for me to continue with the process...

I made a pretty bold "decision" a couple months ago to head out to as many "local" abe workshops as I could, when they were in my part of the globe, as an experiment for myself to see if that lifestyle suited me. For quite a few years ive (felt & thought) that eventually I wanted to work for AHP, so I was thrilled to be able to test my idea out and even more thrilled when I realized clearly that I am already doing exactly what I want to be doing, in exactly the way I want to be doing it...

another throwback feels in order here...
for some reason I thought of my dear friend shobha (on the left) last night, and about when she changed her name from Shirley to shobha, here I am with her and my other dear friend Kathy, at shobha's home in phoenix... for many years I was going to change my name when my mother made her transition (which she did last yr) and now I realize I rather like the name ive carved out over this lifetime!

so that's what it feels like ive been doing a whole lot of these past months, seeing more and more of how I am SO lined up with who I am and what I have created that its a bit... shocking actually.
more and more I am finding that I am able to stay with myself in situations and conditions I might not have felt able to do that in, in the past. I have learned to pivot, NOW, when desired. and that's a big WOW for me!!
I let some friendships (?) go that weren't the style I preferred, ive renewed a few others, ive adjusted my vibration and watched things fall into place right b4 my eyes. ive let myself off every single hook ive found still stuck anywhere and its freeing in a way I didn't know existed.

it seems like all my "throwbacks" are just pieces of what used to feel like a puzzle and now just feels like.. me. and it is good.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

HFD (High Flyin' Disc) #678
when im lined up and in the receptive mode and act on it!
fun fun fun! i LOVE when that happens...
 mostly, my life is pretty abe-esch. i listen to abe every day, (fresh abe too!) and ive got abe quotes all around me as well as an aber as a mate so we talk abe alot. (9+ yrs now YEEEGADS!!!)
so 2day, after about 4-5 dayz of repainting one of my 3 "bathroom" area rooms, i had a hankerin' to go shop at yonkers (clothing (O:) INSTEAD of further painting... as I have one more room 2 go and it will all be the new updated aqua I'm so enthralled with lately, my "Aqua Period" as I'm calling it!
for the past few months I have REALLY been getting clear every day with listening to my inner beannie about what I desire to "do" at any given point in time/space.
this can get a bit tricky at times, but I'm really impressed with my ability to tune in better and better as time goes on
The drive to yonkers is a nice backroads way we take and
we do our checkin on the way. At the store I found a few nice items and the great gal in the shoe dept gave me an extra $100. off in coupons that I didn't expect! as I was waiting for Michael to pick me up and yaking with the estee lauder gal, who I also adore like kris in the shoe dept, she noticed some cash on the floor and told me about it.. LOL
gas prices went down on the way home AND I sold, or really dave at marshalls sold for me, my seagull I had on consignment there and the check was ready today (we didn't know about the sale)
we stopped in to give a wedding gift to some friends who are getting married this weekend and since we may not make the reception we wanted to wish them a great day AND they were BOTH home when we stopped to drop off the gift so we got to spend some nice time with them b4 their special day...
so whats the point? (you may ask, LOL)
my point is that I have a feeling this is the way it is, and can be all the time.

Monday, July 13, 2015

i kind-of "saw it comin'"...

its been a weird month on a few levels. since im not that big on summer and heat, I like to  "git 'er done" (yard-wise) BEFORE the heat hits our area... and then spend the rest of summer enjoying the yard, flowers and whatever "new" stuff we created!.
so for the past 5-6 weeks I've been "doing" a tad bit more than I might have truly, really... needed to.

but it looks great! LOL

 (though its not "done)
fortunately I have abe to tell me over and over its never done and the other day when my back sort of gave out I found a recent "daily abe"  quote to help put it into perspective:

"But it does take the determination that you're going to put your thoughts upon something that does feel good. And so, here we're going to make a very bold statement: any disease could be healed in a matter of days, any disease, if distraction from it could occur and a different vibration dominate and the healing time is about how much mix-up there is in all of that."

So... this morning as I finished washing my hair in the sink, because im probably not going to be able to get to the pool today with my back in this... position. I looked in the mirror and on my little shelf is a darling troll I just adore and I just had to laugh at how my inner being must have really had ME in mind when I got the little troll!

                            Thanks Uni, I appreciate the chuckle! (and the DISTRACTION!!)